No matter what.

I suppose the real test for the validity of something is that it should work no matter what.
Right in the middle of frustration and anger and exhaustion and loss of hope ... in weakness .. When the way ahead seems blocked blind and anyway distasteful .. does my own self-named faith work ?
When I'm on my own with no distractions and no interruptions .. does it work ? Though I am down and fucked .. and I see her in the rear view mirror of the reflection in the kitchen doorway .. looming with her spade and the dogs ...
Talking to her this morning I remembered the state she was probably in when she met me and realise that all of that trippy stuff around the Sheikh is no more than a personalised souped up version of one's own reality ..
Nothing can really change anything .. except perhaps total acceptance of what is !

And what, you may ask is Theistic non-duality ? I suppose for anyone that knows or thinks about these things it is self explanatory and for those who don't this might be the place to find out, though for that to happen I will have to try to explain it and that may prove a little difficult .. not because it is all very complicated .. but ... because I am !

Theistic non-duality .. first bit Theistic .. pertaining to God .. i.e. implies a belief in Him (or It) .. second part non-duality .. I've tried many times to try to explain that one .. but it seems like my version is not very easy to understand, though it seems as plain as the nose on my face to me ..

Basically .. the mind works in duality .. Whatever we know we know by its opposite .. Dark light, happy sad, rich poor, big little, etc etc One cannot exist without the other ... and .. if one examines this truth one will find it applies to everything we know .. or indeed one may say everything we percieve. Indeed it is the manner of our perception.

I have always felt it not necessary to convince people of this .. but it seems it is not as obvious to everyone as it is to some .. Maybe there is a kind of mini-enlightenment that occurs .. even if it is only the recognition of our limited perception and how it works rather than the enlightenment we all used to hope for which is the transcending of that dualistic-perception limitation.

Oh what crap! I'm really not in the right space for this today .. just trying it out to see if something will work !

Anyway .. it's just another blog, who cares ? .. Just another piece of writing floating about in cyber-space .. uselessly with no one to access or read it because it is not linked to anything and not crawled by their programs ..

I suppose if my grandly titled Theistic non-duality was working for me .. this wouldn't bother me either .. and it doesn't .. much. Without wanting to blame it onto my partner .. I must say I feel more necessity to get some recognition for this stuff because of a pressure I feel from her to somehow justify my existence .. but in reality .. all that has done is highlight the fact that I don't naturally feel that ..

What then is the sense of dissatisfaction ?

Dukkha .. perhaps ..? Not so much suffering but a two wheeled cart with one wheel mired or stuck going round in circles which is what I think it originally meant .. Yes .. a bit like that ..

I suppose what I am saying is that if my personally sought for and crafted faith is working, that sense of being stuck would not be there ..

I would not be in dukkha suffering or stuckness because of living the reality that however approached .. all is perfectly O.K. and perfect just as it is .. warts and all ..

The sufis would say that all comes from Allah and that everything is in a perfect balance even if we cannot see it and that all is created with a wisdom .. i.e. that there is a reason for everything though again perhaps we cannot see it. Indeed if one tiny thing ,such as a fly or a molecule were not there or out of place then the whole thing would collapse.

Maybe I had to have that row with P this morning for her to see that really .. all her ideas about what could make me happy or feel fulfilled really wont work .. only what I am doing right now .. which is writing .. and writing about the only thing I know about and care about (which is more important in the present circumstances) which is Theistic non-duality.

Maybe better described as mystical faith or ... yeah .. Mystic faith ..

The thing is that I also have a very logical mind at one level and, in a way arrived at this position as much through ratiocination as through intuition. It seems totally logical to me that God exists and really .. is all that accounts for anything and everything .. Which may sound a bit like a catch all for all the things one cannot understand .. but.. well .. it is anyway !

The logical side seems to be backed up by and supported by the discoveries of Quantum Physics and the more recent stuff (as showcased on Melvyn Bragg's recent program "The Measurement Problem." ) would suggest that the search for a unifying theory must allow for an understanding of multiple realities .. Something rather obvious to anyone who has spent any time thinking about the meaning of life the universe and everything .. but not easily allowable by the strict limitations of scientific endeavour .. what is so interesting in Physics is that these strict limits must be broken down now in order to continue investigations into the nature of physical things or physical reality because they have gone into it far enough for it to have become investigation into the nature of reality per se .. as Sheikh Nazim would say .. (or has said) whatever you study.. if you go into it deeply enough you must come to God. What would have been a leap of faith now becomes a logical necessity ... which is where I kind of started in the first plac e..

Really the answer to everything is God .. if He is the Source of All .. how can He not be ? ..
I suppose what many people do not like is the referring to Him as He and Him .. but well .. call Him something else then .. "A rose is still a rose by any other name." etc

Founder Creator Source .. Beyond description .. Unique, The Absolute .. omnipresent omnipowerful The Source of all .. The Maintainer .. The Maker, The Shaper ... That which is in everything and everything is in it .... The Tao .. The Nada , Emptiness, The Void, Nirvana, That which is beyond all .. The Absolute .. That which transcends all description and de3fies understanding ...

How many more ways do you want to use to describe it / Him .. (Her .. if the ladies prefer that .. I don't and I don't think it is clever or wise .. but there we are .. live with it ! .. this is my blog after all so go read somewhere else if that is too one sided or non-dual for you .. etc etc etc )

Childish rubbish .. no .. just unexplained prejudices or .. wisdom .. who can say ? ..

Yes .. well .. where were we ? What was I saying ? Does it matter ? .. Not really .. this is just another little letter to myself in cyberspace ... I have to do it .. I suppose I hope for being heard or overheard or whatever .. but well .. no it's just all O.K. doesn't matter.

Funny if it was the only one to get picked up .. but then that woud be right becaus it is really the only sincere one which is almost nearly really me ..

I know I need to slow down .. and discipline all this but not really because it is just O.K. the way it is .. and right now I need the release of words words words ...

That energy does not come out anywhere else ..